I had a panic attack a couple weeks ago. Or an anxiety attack. Short version is I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and if I didn’t get to my family I was going to die. So I reached out to someone about a the rapy session. So I was talking to this the rapist and she suggested a few things. In order to deal with my waking up in the middle of the night all worried, she recommended setting aside some time well before bed (I may have crossed that line tonight) to write about the stuff that worries me. Right now, my weight and crap exercise state are worrying me. Results of my blood test and EKG are worrying me. My girlfriend’s cancer worries me. My son just continuing to make bad decisions worries me. The addition to the house and how far away it seems from being done worries me. More surprises popping up as far as inconvenience with that project worries me. I worry about job security sometimes. I worry about how to get a couple of work related projects done. I worry about how my coworker seems to be needy for attention but maybe he is just worried about me and I’m coming off like a douche. Today he was complaining about how inconsistent one of the stupidest people we deal with was being. And I mean, that person is a cumstain, of course you can’t count on them to make sense… I worry about my dad and his health, though he’s doing fine. I worry I’m going to die in my sleep, unable to breathe for some reason. Or of a heart attack.
I went for a nice walk this afternoon. No music, no podcast, just walking and looking at the ducks on the jogging path and whatever dumb person was ahead of me walking on the wrong side of the road so to speak. I wish there was an automatic machine under the jogging path that would just chuck those people into the canal. And maybe it would toss a life vest just in case. And the canal would just be full of life vests and reports of drownings because most people are fucking dumb.
I worry I’m a shit father and that I’ll never learn patience, that I’ll ruin my son. I worry I won’t get enough sleep tonight. I guess this is good enough for now…