Month: February 2021

I’m worried about my heart. Today I was working in the yard, on my knees cutting some bromeliads at the root with a small hand saw and I was spent/wrecked so quickly. My chest hurt a little, these pangs would come and go, especially when I would get up. I had to take really long breaks to recover. But the stress test I took the other day was fine. I’m stressed about the construction. I’m stressed about work and expectations from my boss about projects I have going on. About how I’m technically responsible for the future of how we manage/ support things. I just want to the win the lottery and wake up late and happy every day.

I am worried my dad will die soon. He’s got a kind of cancer the doctor told us might mutate awhile back and now it has. My dad didn’t come out and straight up say this but it sounds like the doctor is just trying stuff. It’s supposedly relatively rare, so there’s no established treatments for this depending on how it goes. His immunity, platelets, etc are just sorta crap. I am also worried, as usual, about my son, and his behavior. I abhor having to go up to him and ask him to do anything at all. He’s a huge brat. And his mother enables him at every turn. Today we were talking about how he has missed doing certain assignments and it’s kind of our fault for not being on him about it, and the first thing she says is oh well the teacher didn’t tell us the assignment weighed THAT heavily on the grade. Like, shut the fuck up. We screwed up. The kid screwed up. That’s why he’s got a D. Blaming the teacher is beside the point… I worry about her, as well, the stuff she’s going through and how it affects her. And I worry about me, just kind of getting hit in the mouth with all this stuff all the time. In addition to work. Some days, I’m just so over life…